My Momma in me

So here I go - inspired by Christa, Tiffany, Julie blogging away - great chance to vent life in writing and think that someone else just might read it, even if not.... I put it down! I had been approaching this site before as a way to share pics with family and felt guilty posting with out new pictures! Maybe if I write more, I'll remember to get my pictures updated more often too.

So here are my thoughts for the day:

I woke up early (thank you Maggy) the other morning and couldn't fall back to sleep and my mind wandered to my Dad... what an awesome man - what a great father! I'm so blessed to have him, blessed by him. When I shared that with him, he told me that he'd been thinking of me too :-) Aaawe! He said that "your Mother would be proud and astounded that you are the one with four Kids!"

I'm astounded often too... how did I end up with 4 kids already! But as I think on my mom - when she got sick, I was only a 17 year old, rebellious, high school senior. I didn't have as much of an opportunity to value her for all she was, like I would be doing now - I do value her now, and I'd be lying if I said that I don't wonder what it could have been like if she were still here. The theme of her memorial service was basically that she had left a beautiful legacy in my brother, sister and I.

Now that I'm in the midst of parenting - foundational parenting, I relate to her in a new way, one that moves my heart. Just helping Zakey to get his pants on this morning, giggling as his toes get caught in the elastic at the bottom of the leg, I treasure that moment.... I wonder what it was like for my mom when I was that size. A silly moment to treasure maybe, but I love every little thing about these kids.... how did I learn that? I had to have a great example - even in the moments that I can't remember... she must have shown love and treasured those little moments.

She wasn't quite as outspoken as I am (not really sure where that came from - I'm even more extroverted than my Dad!) and I credit that to her wisdom - but because she was more soft spoken, her emotions, motives and reasoning wasn't so much on her sleeve. My desire to be a great mom, comes from having a great mom as an example... it just took some maturity in me to see why she did so much the way she did. Undoubtedly, her greatest motivation was out of unconditional love for us, conscientiously deciding and guiding our lives with our best interest at heart.

If things were different, I would like to think that she would delight in my kids, that she would be proud of me as a mom, a homemaker... that I've FINALLY started to develop as a cook, a gardener and seamstress (hated that stuff when I was a kid). So I strive for my best in what I do, not for pride or acknowledgement, but to dedicate it to her memory and the Mom that she created in me.

This picture was taken in August 1984 - I'm in front with my brother Bob, Liz is in my Mom's arms and my Dad and Granny Franny (Dad's mom) in the back. Check out those flowers!